Complète courses
SIMPLE Seduction Techniques
Complete Course In Seduction
What you’ll find different about this course is that I don’t just lay out broad principles and expect people to be able to apply them. It’s not enough to just tell a guy to "Say something to her to show that her testing doesn’t affect you". He needs to see examples of WHAT to say to communicate that it doesn’t affect him. Not only do I provide the "what" to do and say in many situations, but I also often provide some ideas of what to do and say if the situation continues further.
Another thing that’s lacking in most systems is a STRUCTURE. I’ve integrated these techniques into a structure to successfully pick up or seduce a woman.
The whole idea of this structure is that regardless of the interaction with a woman, whether it’s a 2-minute street pickup or a 2-hour date, there are several phases that you go through for a successful pick-up/seduction:
ATTITUDE
1. The Ethics of Seduction Techniques
2. The Stigma of the Pick-Up Artist
3. Knowing What You Want
4. Realize that Women are Sexual Beings
5. A Practical Outlook—For Life
6. The Myth of General Confidence
7. The Power of Beliefs
8. The Most Powerful Belief
9. Controlling Frames and Meta-Frames
10. Controlling Your Physical and Emotional State
11. Applying it All in the Field
This phase is not part of the encounter but instead is something that MUST be addressed before the encounter. The "Inner Game" is EVERYTHING. All of the techniques, strategies, and lines to follow are USELESS unless you’ve got the right mindset
1. The Ethics of Seduction Techniques
When I started to study pick-up and seduction, a big dilemma I had was whether what I was undertaking was RIGHT. I felt a little dishonest, dare I say SLEAZY, about the whole idea of using "tricks" to improve my chances with women. I also felt like less of a "real man" in seeing I had to resort to them. I realized eventually that such moral dilemmas would have to be worked out in order for me to be congruent, and have any success in the field at all. From what I've seen most of the guys out there are decent, moral people with a conscience, so I think that a lot of people in this game have at some point or another felt this way. I'd like to lay out the thinking that got me over this dilemma, in the hopes that anyone else struggling with the same problem might be able to iron out this kink in their inner game.
First of all, realize that there’s nothing wrong with having to learn tactics to meet and seduce women. Most men are absolutely CLUELESS in this area, and it's not entirely their fault. A lot of this has to do with being raised by our mothers, as well as the tendency of men not to seek out help or advice. Women, on the other hand, grow up reading Seventeen magazine and YM, watching soaps, and focusing more on interpersonal relationships than men. By the time they’re adults they have a whole array of techniques and strategies to tease, hook, and trap a man. They become MASTERS (mistresses?) of manipulation of the opposite sex. Until the Internet resources we enjoy became available and known, men didn’t have anything like Cosmo or Sex In The City to teach them the finer points of meeting and choosing a mate. So the fact that you’re learning techniques to be able to deal with their expertise on their level doesn’t make you less of a man; it just means that you’re catching up to their extensive experience, and leveling the playing field.
Another important step is to remove from your mind any negative connotations with the idea of manipulation. (Credit to Ross Jeffries for getting me thinking about this issue). I believe that all human beings require SOME level of manipulation! Advertising tries to manipulate us to buy soft drinks and the latest clothes. You try to manipulate your friends to go see the movie that YOU want to see. The act of manipulation (and the technology/techniques we use in our case to do it) is morally NEUTRAL; it’s just the context under which it’s done which makes it good or bad. For example, a salesman manipulates you into buying a product, which is his job. You’re happy with the product you bought, and he’s happy with the commission he made. Where’s the harm?
You may also have a problem assuming the techniques and the seduction mindset into your personality, thinking that the methods just aren’t YOU and that it presents a "fake" you. Consider this: Let’s say you’re an engineer. Were you an engineer from birth? Of course not. You had to study math and the sciences in high school, and then pursue higher education to get an engineering degree. It took years but now, YOU are an engineer! And so it is with seduction. If you continue learning new material and field-testing it, eventually it’ll become YOU. Realize also that a woman out on the town in flashy, skin-tight clothes and painstakingly-applied makeup is NOT "her". "Her" is the girl who 5 hours earlier was standing in front of her mirror miserable and panicking because she was having a bad hair day. The heels, the make-up, the confident air, ALL of these are tools to make herself appear more attractive to the opposite sex. So don’t feel guilty or awkward when using "personality tools" of your own to achieve the same result.
Most importantly, if you value yourself and your life as being important in the grand scheme of things (and you SHOULD, since it’s YOUR life), then you should also believe that you deserve the very best that life has to offer. This includes finding the very best MATE that you can find. If learning seduction techniques and applying them can improve your chances of meeting the best woman for you out there, then mastering them is one of the noblest undertakings of your life
2. The Stigma of the Pick-Up Artist
The words "Pick-Up Artist", "Getting picked up", "A quick pick-up", etc all have a NEGATIVE stigma attached to them. The implication is that they’re something sneaky or dishonest about approaching women with the intention of meeting them, and that any man that does this is obviously a sleaze ball. The word "seduction" also has a negative connotation as well, somewhat along the lines of "conning" a woman into sleeping with you. Lastly, there’s the word "Player", denoting a man who plays games with women’s hearts to get them into bed.
Before you do anything else, you MUST remove from your mind any negative stigmas attached to these concepts. These stigmas are total bullshit, stuff left over from more prudish times when women were chaste and men were seen as being up to no good, trying to "deflower" the poor, poor, victim/woman.
Let’s be clear here: Although the word "pick-up artist/PUA" or "picking up" is used throughout this guide, to "pick up" someone, is to MEET them. People have been meeting their mates in one way or another since the human race began. In almost all cases it involved one or both of the parties sticking their neck out to meet and form a connection. Now of course, there are exceptions. It’s nice that your uncle met his wife because they sat together in a college class, or that a beautiful woman accidentally spilled coffee on your friend and they’re now happily married, but this is rare. Out of all the women on the planet, what do you think the REAL chances are that you’ll meet your perfect mate completely by chance? Not good at all (although Hollywood movies and Oprah will have you believe otherwise).
In fact, the "pick-up artist" deserves MORE respect than someone who "stumbled onto his wife". The pick-up artist, the one relentlessly and fearlessly approaching women, meeting a LOT of people and forming a LOT of connections, is actively making an effort at finding the right woman for him (or at least building a skill-set so that he knows what to do when he finds her). He’s grabbing his cojones and going out on the hunt. In caveman times this guy would be the one dragging a buffalo home for supper every night, while the rest would wait for an old buffalo to fall over dead at their feet.
The word "seduction" also has a negative stigma, most likely because of the outdated beliefs in feminine chastity. The truth is that women WANT to be seduced. It’s up to the man to take the lead, and up to the woman to playfully resist and throw up obstacles, and give in if the man is successful in demonstrating his value to her. It’s part of courtship, and always will be.
As for the word "player", granted there are men out there who "play" women, as in con them into bed through lies and false promises. But just as fish have their mating dances, peacocks have their displays, and elk have their masculine posturing, humans have their own courtship rituals. The slang for these rituals is "The Game", and everyone out to meet a mate is technically a "player" in the game. Women play games all the time, but it’s not malicious—they’re just playing their part in that courtship ritual. We men need to play the game too, and this doesn’t necessarily involve breaking a woman’s heart or tricking her. It just means playing our role in the courtship ritual with our own techniques and knowledge of the rules.
As with any social situation, it all comes down to this: Be fair in your dealings with people, and you’ll be beyond reproach. Don’t let a silly label make you feel guilty.
3. Knowing What You Want
Before you can work towards a goal, you have to properly define what that goal is. So if you’re looking for your ideal woman, you have to decide what qualities and values she’s going to have to have to be the one.
You have to come up with your own, but these are mine. KNOW what you want and you'll be more likely to get it.
Adventurous
Spontaneous
Emotionally Strong
Up For A Challenge
Bisexual
Good Wit (Sarcasm)
Sophistication
Optimist
Not Afraid To Take Chances
Still Has A Little Girl Quality About Her
Anti Values:
Drama
Neediness
Indecisiveness
Flakiness
HOWEVER, no matter how much a woman fits your "criteria", DON’T think about her as a girlfriend. Start by thinking of her as a fun, beautiful, but temporary addition to your life. In other words, just have fun with her, give her no restrictions, don't box her in, don't demand anything of her, don't take anything too seriously, etc. Just laugh with her and have sex with her, take her to movies, be cool around town with her on your arm, etc. If it’s going to get serious, it’ll happen on its own if you just TAKE IT EASY. Most relationships fail because people get too serious too fast, and build up fantasies of the other person that they can’t live up to. The ones that last are the ones where the two parties were at the very least "flirting friends" for a while, or had a physical fling that grew into something more with time.
Beware of women in the "gimme" category, i.e. commitment, amount of time spent, emotional support, talking about what they want to talk about, etc. In other words, THEIR agenda, without considering what you could want. It's as if they assume that just because they give you sex or attention, somehow you as a man now are getting everything you could want and must give them what they want. A woman who’ll respect your other needs as well as her own, has the potential to be a long-term match.
4. Realize that Women are Sexual Beings
Women love sex as much as men do. The only difference is their TERMS for having it. With this in mind, realize that women are in fact SEXUAL BEINGS. Stop talking to them as if they were fragile little children, or immaculate, perfect angels with no sense of sexuality. Also realize their games are TESTS, to see if you’re good enough to get sexually involved with. Enjoy the games, get excited when she “shit-tests” you, because it means she’s evaluating you as a potential partner. Women want a man who’s more powerful than they are, a man who can overcome her obstacles. So how do you think a woman is going to test for that? She’s going to give you shit! Most importantly of all, don’t try to hide the fact that YOU are a sexual being! Women know we want them and love sex, so don’t hide your libido completely or make apologies for your desires as a man. Women never apologize or act ashamed for wanting love or emotional fulfilment, so why should you hide the fact that you love sex? We men often don’t realize the sexual power that we have over women. We seem to perceive that women have all the sexual power, but when we realize that women desire men just as much as we desire them, we can take back that sexual power. We have the power to choose who we want to talk to, and we are the ones who take the lead. If choice is power, who has more power in this situation: The woman who chooses one of 20 men who approach her, or one of the men who had 300 women/options in the club and decided to approach HER? And here’s a little-known fact: A woman has a lot more to lose than you do if you don’t approach her. She spent a lot of money on her outfit, a lot of time getting ready, putting on makeup, doing her hair, etc. By the time she goes out she may have invested 20 hours in shopping for that perfect outfit and getting prepared. If she gives you a signal and you decide not to approach her, it can be a real blow to her ego. Remember that next time you think her beauty gives her all the sexual power
5. A Practical Outlook For Life
Indifference to success or failure is the ultimate power. In fact, it’s impossible to define success or failure, because each is contextual and can only be assessed in retrospect. For example, if a woman you’ve been involved with decides you’re not the one for her and dumps you, and you didn’t see it coming, does that mean you’ve failed? In the immediate context of the moment it appears you did. BUT if the next day, to feel better you go out with your single friends and meet the woman of your dreams, did you technically FAIL in the long run? Of course not! If you’d "succeeded" with the other woman, you probably would’ve missed the opportunity with the new woman of your dreams. You need to stop thinking in terms of success or failure, and start taking this OVERALL view of life, instead of viewing things as separate "bubbles" in your life where success or failure are defined in the moment.
6. The Myth of General Confidence
There is no such thing as "confidence" as a general term. Confidence is context-specific. Let me explain:
Let’s say that you’re a highly-skilled heart surgeon. After years of schooling and training, and experience in the operating room, you’re as confident as it gets on the job. You’re tops in your field and you know it. Now, just as you leave the operating room, you go into the waiting room and see that a terrorist has left a nuclear suitcase bomb in the waiting room! There’s 2 minutes until it blows, meaning there’s no time to call the bomb squad. You open the bomb and see a bunch of wires and parts, and your confidence drops to ZERO as you realize that you’re clueless and powerless in this situation.
Suddenly a man in the waiting room sees what you’re doing and comes to help you. He calmly reaches into the device, turns a dial and pulls a wire, and the timer on the device stops. He doesn’t even look scared! In fact, he looks extremely confident. You ask him how he knew how to stop the bomb and he proudly says "I designed this weapon. I worked for 25 years at Los Alamos building nukes. Turning it off is child’s play." Now your heart is still racing at this point and the stress hasn’t gone away yet, and all of a sudden you have a heart attack and stop breathing. The nuclear bomb technician has no medical training whatsoever, not even a first aid course. Suddenly HIS confidence drops to ZERO as he realizes that he’s clueless and powerless in this situation, and he calls for help.
The above story illustrates my point: There’s no such thing as a "confident" person, only a person confident in areas he’s very familiar with. If you have no skills and experience dealing with something, you won’t have any confidence in dealing with it either!
And so it is with women. If someone is experiencing nervousness or a lack of confidence in dealing with women, it’s because they don’t have the SKILL-SET or experience for dealing with them. No hypnosis tape, no affirmation program, or Neuro-Linguistic Programming trick will give you instant confidence for dealing with women. The only thing that will give you that confidence is the SKILL-SET of how to deal with women (the point of this guide), and EXPERIENCE in dealing with them (you getting out there and interacting with them, using your skillset
7. The Power of Beliefs
Strong beliefs set the groundwork for a proper mindset.
You can’t control events. Instead, you can always control WHAT THINGS MEAN. You need to communicate to yourself what things mean, in order to control your reaction to them. Nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning you give it! The meaning you give something forms the basis of a belief.
What you believe becomes your reality. When you have beliefs that YOU are the prize—such as "women find me irresistible" or "women just want to use me for sex" your mind begins to find evidence of this in the real world.
And the more evidence your mind finds of your beliefs, the stronger they become, and the stronger they become, the more convincing and congruent you’ll come off to women.
Does it matter if these beliefs are total bullshit? Of course not! Most of the beliefs we have are wrong anyway, be it the belief that we’re not good enough to do A, not smart enough to know B, etc. If you’re going to believe things that are wrong, why not adopt a wrong belief that EMPOWERS you instead?
Once adopted, beliefs can take on a life of their own and turn us into a completely new person. Look at a hardcore racist for example: His beliefs are ignorant and ridiculous, but to him they’re completely real. His interpretations of his experiences, according to his beliefs, have led him to believe that certain races are better than others, or even that the inferior ones should be wiped out. If a person can adopt such extreme beliefs as those, then having it become your reality that women want you should be a cakewalk. All it takes is the right thoughts and influences, and whether you realize it or not YOU are in COMPLETE CONTROL of these
8. The Most Powerful Belief
The most important (actually, ESSENTIAL) belief you must have is the belief that YOU are the PRIZE when dealing with women. Believe that BEING WITH YOU IS THE BEST CHOICE THAT A WOMAN CAN MAKE. When you adopt this belief, all your other beliefs about dealing with women fall into place naturally.
When YOU adopt the belief that you’re the prize, you communicate it automatically through your words, body language, and behavior. Here are some ways the belief manifests itself:
• When you approach a beautiful woman, you’re not trying to win her over. Instead, you’re investigating whether she’s good enough to be with you. TYPICAL GUY BEHAVIOR: Guy gets all nervous approaching, worrying if SHE will accept him. Guy tries to prove himself to her.
• When a woman isn’t interested in you, it doesn’t bother you one bit because she missed out on YOU. In fact, you feel sorry for her, in that she’ll never get to experience being with you. TYPICAL GUY BEHAVIOR: It hurts his self-worth, and he feels sorry for himself, because he’ll never have the experience of being with her.
• If a woman you’re involved with decides to leave, it’s no big deal because YOU are the prize. Not only is it her loss, but someone better than her will come along shortly. TYPICAL GUY BEHAVIOR: Guy chases the woman, begs her to come back, saying that he’ll never meet anyone like her again.
• You never chase after, plead, beg, supplicate, or try to buy a woman’s attention or affection with dinners and gifts. SHE should be the one buying YOU gifts, and trying to win YOU over. TYPICAL GUY BEHAVIOR: Betrays his insecurity by chasing after her, asking how she feels about him, trying to win her affection with gifts, etc.
• You never get stuck on ONE woman (the scarcity mentality), since you’re better than she is anyway—YOU are the prize! TYPICAL GUY BEHAVIOR: Suffers from "One-itis", builds up a huge fantasy in his mind about her, and since he just HAS to get THIS particular girl, he’s lost all his power with her.
• You have a LIFE of your own, the lifestyle of a cool guy full of great friends, successful people, and good vibes. You stay invested in your hobbies and enjoy your life. If a woman wants to be with you, she has to respect the life you already have. It’s YOUR train, and she just gets to ride it. TYPICAL GUY BEHAVIOR: Drops his friends to be with a woman, makes her the center of his universe, drops his hobbies to spend time with her (or worse, makes thinking about her his hobby).
• You date multiple women at once, to determine who’s best for you to be with long-term. You expect the BEST mate possible because YOU are the prize, and you can’t find the best if you only spend time with and get to know one. You feel much more comfortable approaching women, because if it doesn’t work you’re still dating other women. TYPICAL GUY BEHAVIOR: Commits to one woman at a time, usually the first to "accept" him, overlooks her glaring faults, "settles" until she dumps him and he wonders "What did I see in her?"
• You don’t accept shitty behavior from women. Since you’re the PRIZE, she’d better be treating you properly or she’s OUT. TYPICAL GUY BEHAVIOR: Lets girl walk all over him and boss him around, because he thanks his lucky stars that a girl as hot as her has "accepted" him—to him she’s the prize.
• No matter how much you grow to like or love her, you imagine that she likes or loves you MORE. Although you’re lucky to be with her, she’s even luckier to be with you. TYPICAL GUY BEHAVIOR: Guy falls head over heels and lets her "own" him, tells her how lucky he is to be with her, or how he could never live without her.
• When you first meet a woman, whenever she tells you she doesn’t like something about you, you see it as HER problem, not yours. TYPICAL GUY BEHAVIOR: Guy gets all self-conscious about whatever it was she pointed out, and either agrees with her or tries to justify himself to get back in her favor.
See the difference? Most typical guy behaviors imply that the woman is the prize. But when you switch things around and assume the role of the prize in your thoughts, words, and actions, you behave much differently. Your behavior will communicate to women that YOU are the prize that she has to win over, without saying it outright.
Again, does it matter whether it’s true or not that you really ARE the prize? NO! A fat, balding, ugly man who believes he’s God’s gift to women will have more success with women than a fat, balding, ugly man who’s "realistic" and thinks that no woman would be into him given his state. (Funny enough, negative people often justify their negative attitude by claiming to be "realistic"). I’ll say it one more time: Whether the belief is true or not means nothing; IT’S HOW STRONGLY THAT BELIEF IS HELD THAT COUNTS. Perception is everything
9. Controlling Frames and Meta-Frames
For a proper attitude in dealing with women it’s very important to understand the concept of FRAMES. Swinggcat explains the concept pretty well in his e-book "Real World Seduction". Here’s a paraphrasing of the section on frames:
A "frame" is a general focus or direction that provides an overall guide for thoughts and actions during an interaction. A frame determines the underlying meaning of behaviors and actions. A "meta-frame" is an overall focus or direction that provides a meaning to the interaction. A more general term for frames and meta-frames is the SOCIAL DYNAMIC.
Frames don’t exist in objective reality. They’re not "real". They only exist inside the skulls of human beings. But they’re extremely important in dealing with people.
Generally, when two people’s meta-frames are in conflict, the stronger/more assertive meta-frame is dominant.
A woman may or may not buy into your meta-frame. But even if she doesn’t, you’re conveying that you’re unwilling to buy into hers.
How to control the Meta-Frame:
Step 1: Define the meta-frame: If you don’t set it, the woman will define it for you, and assert hers.
Here’s a way to properly define the underlying meaning of the interaction:
1. You are the PRIZE.
2. She’s trying to get you to like her or trying to win you over—whether it be in the sense of attraction, acceptance, or validation.
3. She wants you so bad that she’s trying to make you sleep with her.
4. The both of you are going to sleep together, but only if she lives up to your standards and expectations.
Step 2: Assume the meta-frame in advance
Assume before even talking to her that the underlying meaning of all her behaviors and actions when you do talk to her will fit into your meta-frame.
Step 3: Set frames that imply the meta-frame. Some ways to do this:
1. Frame one or more of her actions, behaviors, or things about her as meaning that she’s not good enough for you or can’t handle you (implies you’re the prize)
2. Frame one or more of her actions as her being interested or trying to pursue YOU
3. Frame one or more of her behaviors or actions as her being a little crazy (refuse to buy into it)
4. Frame one or more of her behaviors, actions, or something about her as meaning that she lacks class
5. Frame one or more of her behaviors, actions, or something about her as meaning that she’s a dork
6. Accuse her of not really living the life that she wants to live, or accuse her of being envious of you
7. Frame one or more of her behaviors, actions, or something about her as meaning that she’s a little creepy
8. Frame some of her behaviors, actions, or things about her as meaning that she’s a sleaze ball.
9. Frame some of her behaviors and actions as being rude and insensitive
Notice that many of these frames are the frames that women set with guys. So, you’re taking the frames they use to turn guys into frustrated, pathetic beggars, and using them against them.
Attempt at all times to do this in a humorous way. When women are laughing, their guard is down and they’re more apt to go along with the frames you’re setting.
10. Controlling Your Physical and Emotional State
YOU are the only one responsible for how you feel. Other people don’t make us feel anything. It's OUR OWN interpretations of their words and behavior that affect us.
Controlling how you feel is crucial. It's up to you to remain emotionally calm. Women count on us for this, and thank us for it when they go nutty. It's the MAN'S responsibility to be in control of his emotions. Women are NOT attracted to weepy little wimps. I'm not saying you can't show emotion, but don’t be provoked to feel an emotion by another person that you don’t CHOOSE to have. Every woman out there has her own insecurities and fears. Remember that you have the advantage of strategies and logic on your side, and all you need to do is CONTROL YOUR STATE!
You are going to have to STOP getting emotional when women try to make you angry, sad, or upset. These are all tests by women, and you will FALL right into the trap by getting all worked up. You are going to have to STOP falling for all their games, dramatic behavior, and attempts to control you through your fear of losing them. Women DESIRE a man who is BEYOND their control, beyond their attempts to make him do anything, or to make him upset. The message is if you put up with her crap, how can you protect her? A dominant man allows a woman to feel safe and protected.
So how do you control your state? How do you stay calm when a woman is yelling at you for stupid shit, or when she just dissed you in front of the entire party?
Positively interpreting things is one way. At some point in your life you’ve probably been in a situation where something embarrassing or negative happened to you, and someone said "One day you’ll look back on this and laugh." And you probably did! Well when you find yourself in a shitty situation today, why not laugh at it TODAY? Why wait for someday? Also, think of how terrible something may have seemed when it happened to you years ago, and how it means nothing to you now. When something negative happens to you today, why not have it mean nothing to you TODAY as well? This can be done through positive interpretation, a RE-FRAMING of the "negative" situation.
Here’s another method for controlling your state:
Your physical and emotional states are closely tied together. For example, when someone is depressed, what do they look like physically? Often they’re slumped over with poor posture, taking short steps, their head’s down, and they have a sad look on their face. And when someone’s happy or excited they bounce around and they’re more animated.
The fact that there’s a link between the physical and the emotional is good news for controlling our state. When you find yourself slouched over and unfocused, you can sit up straight with good posture and breathe deeply, and you’ll find yourself more alert and able to concentrate. When you find yourself worried about something, you can stand tall, look up at the ceiling, smile a big smile, and hold it (in fact, it’s hard to stay in ANY negative state in this position). You can breathe deeply and slowly to reduce anxiety and fear. And when a woman is going crazy and giving you problems, you can take a deep breath, smile and narrow your eyes at her, and slowly cross your arms.
11. Applying it All in The Field
It’s extremely important to adopt the attitudes above before going out to apply what you learn in the field. Although the techniques described later in this guide are VERY effective for what they’re supposed to do, if you don’t have the right mindset they’ll work poorly. Many newcomers to this stuff want to learn the tricks and techniques only, and this is a bad idea. Learning only the pick-up techniques while keeping your old attitudes is like learning fancy jiu-jitsu techniques while staying seriously out of shape. You may learn a great arm-lock or strike that could end a fight in seconds, but if you don’t have the strength and conditioning to apply it, the technique itself is useless.
FIND/OPEN PHASE
Highlights:
1. Preparing yourself
2. Dealing with the fear of rejection
3. Warming up
4. Finding "Targets"
5. Opening
6. Opening Groupsets
7. Bitch Shield Destroyers
8. Boyfriend Destroyers
9. Objection Destroyers
10. Specific Circumstances Openers
11. Wingman Strategies
12. Phase-Shifting to ATTRACT
"Pick-up is the art of conveying who you are in the shortest time possible." and "Pickup is VERBAL FOREPLAY" --Tyler Durden, Cliff’s List
You hear guys complaining all the time that it’s hard to meet women. But are they even TRYING? Usually when guys say "It’s so hard to meet women" what they mean is that it’s hard to have a woman just fall in their lap, the way people meet in the movies. They expect the girl of their dreams to be hired at the office and partnered up with them on their next sales project. They expect to hang out with the same circle of friends they’ve had for years and suddenly one of their friends will have this great new available female friend to introduce them to.
The truth is that your dream girl is out there, waiting to meet a guy like you. BUT TO MEET HER, YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE TO LEAVE THE HOUSE! You have to take the initiative and get out there, and MAKE MOVES. The odds of your dream girl being a door-to-door saleswoman who knocks on your door to sell you the latest vacuum cleaner are slim to none. You’ll have to stick your neck out, risk rejection, and build new bonds with people. You are going to have to be SOCIAL. To even have a chance at finding her, you’re going to have to FIND a woman, and you’re going to have to OPEN an interaction with her.
1. Preparing yourself
Before you go out to find and open women, you need to prepare yourself for it. There are three components to this preparation: Mental, physical, and style.
MENTAL—APPROACH PHILOSOPHY
Aside from having the proper attitude for dealing with women, you need to have specific attitudes ingrained for approaching total strangers.
When approaching, just walk up to the woman and say FUCK IT. Keep yourself in the frame that you’re just goofing around and you don’t need to do well, just as long as you do it and have fun with it. Even if you don’t get the girl, you got to practice your skill-set and learned how to do it better next time. There is NO downside!
Often the single woman is very lonely. Not many guys seriously ask hot women on dates, and when they’re asked they’ll take advantage of it even if you’re not their knight in shining armour. You have to understand that even though many women receive attention constantly, they don’t actually get asked out on dates. This can be for many reasons and the initial one to come to mind is that all of the guys thought she’d say no. They may think she’s too good for them and she may not come across as the approachable type. SO GO FOR IT!
Be super-confident, presupposing that she wants your company and will give her number to you...Or more.
PHYSICAL
It’s not necessary to be a gorgeous hunk of male to have success approaching women. But if you have some physical flaw that you could go and take care of, it’s just another strike against you. Just like a baseball player can have two strikes against him and still hit a home run, you can be unshaven and overweight and still get a number. But why risk it?
Strive to keep yourself looking your best physically at all times. This doesn’t mean being TOO concerned about your appearance; it means keeping your nails clean and short, your hands callus-free as much as possible, your "UNI-BROW" groomed, and your hair trimmed at least every 3 weeks to keep it neat. Be clean-shaven (unless you’re going for the unshaven look), and keep your body clean! This means showering before going out, and controlling body odor with a good deodorant. Brush your teeth and chew on mint gum to keep your breath fresh.
Get enough sleep every night so that you’re in top shape for approaching. Avoid drugs and alcohol that will leave you with mood swings, or tired and bloodshot eyes. If you absolutely have to take a couple drinks to loosen up on a night out on the town, keep it reasonable. Avoid beer if you can, because it leaves your breath smelling bad and makes it obvious you’ve been drinking.
Vodka has a tendency to be undetectable on someone’s breath a few minutes after ingestion, so go with that.
You should also attempt to keep yourself in shape as much as possible. Look into proper eating habits and stay physically active. A complaint that many guys have is that they don’t have enough TIME to work out. The way around this is to focus more on QUALITY in your workouts rather than quantity of exercise. Get in the gym, be intense, lift heavy weights slowly, do intense cardio, and go home and rest. Doing things this way, you can get the results from 2-3 workouts a week that someone might get working out 5 times a week while taking it easy, resting a lot between sets, etc.
Pay attention to your posture. If you find yourself hunched over a lot, make a habit of holding your chest up. This alone has an amazing effect on your posture, forcing your head up and your shoulders back.
You can also help your success by going out and doing certain things. If you’re pale, go to the tanning salon once every week or two to give your skin a dash of color. See the dentist to have your teeth whitened, or pick up a kit on eBay to do it yourself. If you’re unusually hairy, keep your back and neck waxed, or undergo laser hair removal treatments.
STYLE
Make an effort to keep up with the latest styles. Look at ads in men’s magazines like Maxim, Stuff, or FHM (or GQ if you’re older than say, 35) to get an idea of what looks are in. Then go about looking for similar styles, and picking up the items you like best to build your wardrobe. If your budget is a problem, try on the clothing in the store, and when you know your size for that designer/company go onto eBay and look for things in your size. Things needn’t be brand-name either; go buy cheap clothes if you want, and just get rid of the indicators that the clothes are cheap (remove the leather tab on the back of cheap jeans, for example). Really, some people will tell you to buy expensive, well-made clothes that will last you years. That’s not the point here. You want cheap clothes that will last you a year or two, that you can replace the following year. Workmanship won’t be a big deal either; unless someone is scrutinizing your clothes carefully, they won’t notice that the seam of your pants is a little crooked around the ankle, for example. Although women DO tend to notice details (like if your shoes are scuffed or your belt fits your pants), they won’t be going over the workmanship of your clothes with a magnifying glass. And by the time your clothes are off and she can see the tags identifying it as cheap crap, you’re already where you want to be!
Of course, if you’ve got the money to spend, go for quality AND style
Peacocking
Women tend to wear a lot of clothing that is functionally useless, impractical, or downright uncomfortable. They’ll wear high heels, pointless accessories, boots that go up to their knees, and skimpy tops in not-so-warm weather. They’ll get tattoos and navel piercings and other odd things. This is SEXUAL ORNAMENTATION to catch attention from men (and to compete with other women—but that’s another matter entirely).
What most people don’t realize is that sexual ornamentation WORKS BOTH WAYS. This has led to Mystery’s theory of PEACOCKING. Just like a male peacock spreads his feathers and shows them off to catch female attention, a male human can display clothing and accessories that catch the attention of human females.
Mystery’s motto on peacocking is that IT’S BETTER TO BE LOOKED OVER THAN OVERLOOKED. To this end Mystery himself goes out intending to get looked over. Already standing at 6’5" tall, he wears shoes with 6-inch platforms, and a funky black fur hat with aviator goggles wrapped around it. He paints his fingernails black, and even uses this as an opinion opener by slapping his hand down on the table and saying "What are your first impressions of black nails?" He’s been known too to wear a T-shirt with a LED electronic sign on the chest that scrolls "Mystery" in red letters. He’s very hard to miss, his style of dress definitely shows personality, and women get a genuine curiosity about him.
Obviously you don’t have to go this far to get attention. You can just take steps to be noticed and stand out, and not be just another Calvin Klein Clone in the club. Here are some examples on how to "peacock":
• Get highlights put in your hair
• Get piercings (loops in both ears, or eyebrow, lip, nose, tongue)
• Accessorizing!
o Wear funky sunglasses (including clear ones you can wear in the club)
o Wear a watch that stands out (BIG links or wristband/cuff-style, unusual style, etc). I have a Diesel watch with a HUGE, shiny stainless steel wristband, and it never fails to get noticed.
o Wear several rings
o Wear a silver bracelet or neck chain, etc.
o If you have a small cell phone, don’t hide it in a case or in your pocket. Instead, accessorize it with an original or flashy faceplate (eBay has some odd ones) and hang it around your neck from a plumb chain or cord.
o If you tuck in your shirts, get a belt with a buckle that draws attention. This doesn’t necessarily mean some big western buckle the size of a dinner plate, but one that’s flashy or has a strange shape.
• If you have muscles, show them off! A lot of big guys are self-conscious of their bodies and try to cover them up. If you’ve worked hard for the body you have, wear SLIGHTLY fitted shirts that display your build. Just like a nice set of cleavage will catch male attention, a muscular chest or pair of arms displayed will also turn female heads. I say "slightly" because you shouldn’t try TOO hard. Just like a woman dressed like a prostitute screams out that she’s starved for attention, if you have an "in your face" way of showing your muscles it’ll look insecure. If your T-shirts are so tight that you need help getting them on and off, or you put oil on your arms when you go out in a sleeveless top…you’re trying too hard.
• Wear some funky shoes or boots
• Wear bright colors that grab attention! For example, if you have a choice between buying a shirt in white or in red, go for the red.
• Buy a lighter that shoots a green or blue flame, then adjust it so that the flame burns high. You get extra peacocking value if the lighter itself glows a certain color when lit. eBay is great for finding little gadgets like these.
• Carry an out-of-the-ordinary pen, either something flashy and chromed like a Fisher Space Pen, or something quirky. For example there are pens available that look like syringes with liquid in them. If you don’t have the room in your pockets to carry a pen, saw a golf pencil in half with a filet knife and carry the tiny pencil in your wallet. ALWAYS CARRY SOMETHING TO WRITE WITH!
Occasionally a woman might test you on the way you dress, or another guy might make fun of you. You can deal with these challenges using techniques outlined in the ATTRACT section of this guide.
Peacocking is the driving force behind a guy taking a $10,000 car and sinking $10,000 into it to customize it with a flashy paint job, shiny mag wheels, noisy exhaust, etc. It’s also why guys will install $2,000 sound systems in their cars ("Boomcars") so that they can broadcast to 5 city blocks that they listen to the latest, coolest music. Unfortunately doing stuff like this is a bad investment for attracting a woman’s attention, for the following reasons:
• Since your car is what’s drawing the attention, from a peacocking perspective you’re naked when you step out of it and actually go somewhere on foot. Unless you’re into picking up fast food cashiers at a drive-thru, or specifically targeting the women who go to import car meets, your car won’t help your game when it’s all YOU.
• When you’re blasting your music so that no one has any choice about listening to it, most of the people around, including women, will automatically be annoyed with you because they’re forced to listen to it. Peacocking with clothing and accessories is PASSIVE—no one is FORCED to look at you if they don’t like the way you look.
• $10,000 sunk into you car to turn heads, or $300 spent in wardrobe and accessories to turn heads. See my point?
• Remember what I said about trying too hard? Well if you put a small fortune into showing off, people will think you’re trying too hard. A lot of women have a nickname for expensive, show-off cars: "Penis Extensions"
• If you DO happen to catch some hottie’s POSITIVE attention with your noisy, flashy car, what can you do? When the sidewalks outside the clubs are busy, the street is busy too, and parking is scarce. You can double-park and get out (which will promptly get you a ticket since police usually foot patrol the clubbing areas); you can cat-call her through your window (REEEEALLY cool); or you can temporarily stop, stay in the car, and wave her over like a hooker. You’re very limited with what you can do.
I’m not saying that having a nice car won’t help you with women. Obviously if you go to pick her up for a coffee meeting in a custom car, fully detailed, it’ll come off better than if you picked her up in a rusty Ford Pinto. Just don’t get the idea that a flashy car, all tricked out, is going to let you pull more women.
Props
Props can really help you out. Sometimes a woman may want to initiate a conversation with YOU, and if you have something on you worth commenting on she’ll have her "in". It can be anything unusual, from carrying a 2 foot-long salami over your shoulder, to holding a Chinese fan, to wearing a T-shirt that says "I’m the Italian Your Mother Warned You About" (I actually have this shirt by the way, and it’s great on days I feel like coming across very cocky). I know a guy who wears a black T-shirt with "TESTOSTERONE" written across the chest in bright yellow letters. This shirt never fails to get comments from women, usually in the form of testy comments (which is not a bad thing; a test is an ideal "in" to a conversation).
2. Dealing With The Fear Of Rejection
Women get approached all the time, and they get approached by men MUCH scarier than you! As long as you don’t act threatening or like a nervous stalker you’ll get a good reception, or at worst a polite refusal. If you don’t, then that’s HER problem, not yours!
Always keep in mind that just because you’re approaching a woman, it doesn’t give her the right to be rude to you. If she rejects you gracefully, eject gracefully. But if she blows you off with an insult, then it’s open season on her ego! Smile at her like she’s funny and use some condescending comment like "That’s cute" or "You had a hard childhood, didn’t you?" Whatever you do, DON’T get mad and call her a bitch. First, this is what every guy does, and it just makes you look like another insecure loser bitter at rejection. Second, never forget that your next target may be watching! If you deal with a cold rejection in a cocky way and don’t let it faze you, it says a lot about you, in a good way.
If you’re having a lot of trouble approaching, the Deliberate Rejection Exercise is the quickest way to get over your fear of approaching hot women. With the DRE, you GO IN WITH THE *INTENTION* OF GETTING REJECTED! Be totally honest and ASK FOR IT! I call this the Deliberate Rejection Exercise (DRE). Here's what I mean: Go somewhere for an afternoon, somewhere far from what would be a future regular pickup ground for you (like a mall on the other side of town). Go at a time when you know there will be a lot of hot women there. With a smile, walk up to a 9 or 10 and say the following: "Hi, I have this FEAR of rejection that I really need to get over. So I need you to just REJECT ME as hard and as cold as possible, so I can get used to it. Go ahead, REJECT ME!" If she ignores you, go C&F: "Is that the BEST you can do? Ignore me? Come on, you can do better than that! Say something MEAN!" If she just giggles or thinks you’re putting her on: "What are you laughing for? I mean it!! Be cruel!" When she finally does blow you off badly, thank her and tell her "Only 36 more rejections to go, I have a target of 50". This routine has two beneficial effects:
First, it doesn't matter if you're nervous when you're approaching since your whole point is to get rejected anyway. If you look nervous and blow it, THAT’S THE POINT! Just add it to your "rejection target" of 50 or whatever number you have as a goal. It doesn't matter because after a few times your nervousness will go away, you'll be enjoying the game, and you'll have no fear at all approaching a hot woman cold. On top of this, you'll see that rejection by a 10 isn't that bad, and you can actually make fun of it. Now, contrast this with approaching while trying NOT to get rejected: You get all nervous worrying about getting rejected, and since you're nervous you creep the girl out and she rejects you anyway, which really doesn't help your nervousness the next time you try.
Second, it conditions you to approach total female strangers (attractive ones) with a cocky & funny attitude. Throughout the entire routine above, you’re being playful. Too many men are afraid to look stupid and thus stay serious and "smooth" around attractive women. Without a base of experience horsing around with hotties, C&F approaches and routines, when eventually used, will seem forced. The woman will pick up that you're uncomfortable and you'll blow it.
When you do the DRE, don't be surprised when half the women you say it to are speechless. You'll see some of them with the look of a deer caught in the headlights, since they've probably NEVER been approached by a guy ASKING to get blown out. It's just so far outside their reality. If you're lucky she might even find it cute, and you'll have yourself a 10-friend! Not a bad thing considering she could introduce you to all her hot friends.
The DRE can be used a couple times as a great warm-up before actual serious PU sessions as well, no matter how experienced you are.
3. Warming Up
Before going out to open "targets", you should warm up psychologically to get into the right state of mind. You can’t expect to be thinking about your bills and your grades and your ex bothering you, then immediately jump into a fun, confident mindset when you see a woman you want to meet. After a decent amount of experience you’ll be able to snap yourself into state instantly, but don’t count on it right away.
What’s the best way to warm up? The DRE is one, but the best way by far is by talking to other people! Call male and female friends and joke around with them. Talk to people on the way to the venue you’re headed to. Ugly girls, other guys, doormen, street bums, cashiers, taxi drivers, they’re all great to talk to for warming up. Be cool with them, talk to them as if they were old friends, and bring up certain topics to see if any of them bomb. Better you learn during your warm-up that a topic is uninteresting or stupid, than later when you’re talking to your target. How long it takes to warm up depends on your state when you go out, your experience, etc, but you’ll know when you’re ready.
Listening to music before going out can get you into state too. You’ll have your own ideas about what motivates you to go out and pick up, but here are my choices:
Jimi Hendrix—Foxy Lady (gets me into state and gives me a playful attitude with women)
Janet Jackson—All for You (It’s a woman telling a guy not to be shy and to move in and pick her up! It doesn’t get any more encouraging than this one)
4. Finding "Targets"
This may seem like an elementary statement but…YOU HAVE TO GO WHERE THE WOMEN ARE! Too many guys cheat themselves out of meeting great women because they avoid the venues where they hang out. They go to sports bars over coffee shops, take golf lessons over Latin dance lessons, go to hardcore gyms over health clubs, they avoid malls, etc.
Get over the idea that an activity or place is "GAY". Yoga may not be the manliest of sports, but it’s great cardio-vascular exercise and the classes are usually 28 women and 2 guys. Aerobics classes may look gay to you, but you’ll be in a room with mostly young women, all clad in spandex and doing stretches we can only PRAY to see in a strip club. Why not get involved with one of these activities instead of getting your cardio in on a boring treadmill or Stairmaster?
As for hobbies, learning to dance Salsa Merengue or country dancing might look gay to you, but the majority of the people in the class are young women, and the instructor will be forcing people to change partners frequently. Women will literally be FORCED to meet you, and they’ll be holding their bodies against you the whole time. You’re in an ideal position to run game on them.
If you’re not into clubs, then coffee shops, health food restaurants, new age/esoteric conventions, health clubs, street festivals, and shopping malls are all excellent places to meet single women. And don’t make the mistake of avoiding these places at peak hours. People tend to avoid crowds, but the fact is that if there are more people in a certain place, the law of averages dictates that there’s going to be more desirable women there too. If you end up waiting a little bit for a machine at a health club, or in line at a coffee shop, so what? Maybe you’ll end up next to an attractive woman and be able to strike up a conversation. You need to get out there.
By the way, a pick-up artist saying he "doesn’t do clubs" is like a hockey player saying "I don’t do arenas", or a baseball player saying "I don’t do stadiums". To really be a successful PUA you HAVE to work clubs and bars. They’re the arena where the game is played. Women walking down the street or sitting in a coffee shop may be easier targets with less competition around, but they aren’t intentionally there to meet guys. In clubs and bar settings they are! DESPITE what many of them claim. Even those going out for "a night with the girls" are going out with friends who are looking to meet guys. And those who are claiming to go out just to "dance and have fun" aren’t ruling out meeting a nice guy. The number of women in clubs who are married or have serious boyfriends and are off-limits, are actually very few.
If you REALLY can’t go into clubs because you have asthma and can’t take the smoke, or loud music gives you a headache, or you get fed up of people bumping into you, fine. At least go walk along the main clubbing strip and open groups of women walking along or standing in line. Obviously all those women in the club have to walk along that sidewalk to get there in the first place, so why not meet them there? Here are some reasons why this is a good idea:
• Since they’re not in the club yet they probably haven’t got their "bitch shields" up. They’ll be less likely to blow you off or be rude.
• There will be less competition. The guys IN the club will have a few drinks in them and will have more balls to approach the women. On the street though, they usually won’t be ready to do a serious approach…leaving them all for you!
• If you catch her before she goes into the club, you’ll be the FIRST guy she met that night. You’ll stick out in her mind the day after, especially if you came off cool, and afterwards the guys in the club all approached her like losers. It’ll provide more contrast for your value when you call her after.
• Conversely, if you catch a group of women as they’re LEAVING a club and there are no guys with them, odds are they didn’t meet anyone THAT spectacular and they’re leaving in a frustrated state. Here’s your chance to demonstrate your value and salvage their night out.
• Aside from the guys in the Boomcars driving by, there’s no loud music out on the sidewalk. You can say anything and have it be understood, without having to repeat yourself 3 times or scream in a girl’s ear.
If you happen to have a good-looking photo of yourself (either a snapshot or professionally done photo) you can also put a profile on the Internet and meet women that way. You’ll need to be somewhat attractive for this to work, since regardless of how good your profile is, it’ll be your picture that makes or breaks you. Internet dating is great for people who are shy or lazy when it comes to going out and meeting women, or who don’t have much time. The down side is that a lot of women don’t have a picture up, so it’s a real crapshoot. You don’t know if you’re sending a message to a bitter fat girl, or a gorgeous exotic dancer. Also, since it costs money to send messages on most dating networks, it can get pretty expensive. Meeting women is a numbers game sometimes, but with the Internet it’s extreme. If it costs $2 to send someone an email or start an IM chat session, and they don’t reply back, or end up being warpigs when they send you their photos, it can really hurt your wallet after a while
5. Opening
The most important principle in opening is to follow the "3-seconds rule" at all times. This basically means as soon as you see a woman you want to meet, within 3 SECONDS you move in and open her. This has two very powerful benefits:
In 3 seconds you don’t have time to get nervous. Most guys hesitate and talk themselves out of opening a woman because their insecurities take over. Even if they actually manage to kick their own asses to go and approach, by that time they’re so nervous from over-thinking it that they’ll probably blow the interaction. If you approach in 3 seconds, the hard part is over before you even have a chance to make excuses, and you’ll avoid becoming sweaty, nervous, etc.
If a woman sees you hesitating to approach her, you’ll look insecure and you’ll lose value in her eyes. By moving in within 3 seconds, you look confident and show no hesitation.
The downside of the 3-seconds rule is that it leaves you very little time to think of an opener. This is why it’s important to have an arsenal of all-purpose openers committed to memory (opinion openers are best for this). Another way around this is to enter a venue looking for openers rather than looking for targets. This way by the time you start looking for targets to approach, you already have an opener or two in mind that
Approach Invitation (AI)
Approach Invitation is any indication that a woman has a desire for you to open her. Flirting, maintained eye contact, looking at you and then giggling to her girlfriends, etc. Approach invitation isn’t always necessary for a successful approach, so don’t wait for it. But having it certainly beats a cold approach. Your odds are much better when you approach a woman who gave you AI. "Proximity AI" is when a woman moves herself within easy opening distance of you. For example, the entire bus could be empty, but she takes the seat across from you. This is the closest you’ll usually get to a woman opening you. A woman who wants you to open her will put herself in a spot where you’ll notice her, and she’s easily accessible.
Opening Body Language
COLD APPROACHES: You spot a chick you want. Now the most important thing is how you FACE her. You roll up sideways or diagonally, and you don't face her UNTIL she is facing YOU. That means if she’s turned totally away from you, you literally TURN YOUR NECK ENTIRELY BACKWARDS while you talk, and ONLY turn when she turns. Then, as she says stuff that she PERCEIVES as you being impressed by, you THEN turn to face her. This causes her to have the perception that 1) you aren’t needy/desperate/lame 2) she said something WORTH you staying. Give her the impression that you're only staying to talk because SHE said something that interested you to stay. Again, do this by ONLY turning once she is turning FIRST. The only exception is doing little tests, like turning quickly towards her, to SEE if she'll BITE and turn herself.
On eye contact/"Warm" approaches (with AI): Real pick-up artists never stare. They lock eye contact. There’s a difference between staring and locking eye contact. When you look at a woman, here is what you do. Lock eye contact with her. Don't blink. Don't look at her friend. Pick one eye and don't let go. You only get one chance at this. Don't give up. Don't smile. Don't say anything. You’re telling her that you’re interested in her and you’re not intimidated by her. Then leave it up to her. You will be amazed at the staring capability that women posses. If she smiles, you smile. If she says Hi, you say Hi. Then you reward her and make your move. You must learn to keep eye contact until SHE breaks it.
Avoid "Hen Pecking", leaning just your head in to hear a woman talk while your body stays square. Move your body into it and get close. Tall and/or built guys need to be more on the side, hip-to-hip rather than facing to avoid intimidating the girl.
Introducing Yourself
When first meeting a woman, don’t introduce yourself to her or ask her name. Either one communicates eager interest, which you shouldn’t do right away. Instead, wait for HER to ask your name or introduce herself to you, then say:
"It